I am so very excited to be highlighting Emily Nagoski’s, PhD new book “Come Together: The Science (And Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections”

This is another MUST READ for all women and men! In her latest book, “Come Together”, is a guide for sustaining a healthy, fulfilling sex life in long-term relationships. It emphasizes that lasting sexual connection is built less on spontaneous desire and more on pleasure, emotional connection, and genuinely enjoying the experience you’re having. Dr. Nagoski challenges common myths about sex and explores how factors like stress, body image, and cultural expectations can impact desire. She introduces the concept of responsive desire and offers practical tools to help couples communicate more openly, reduce pressure, and create a more authentic, connected sexual relationship.

Some of the key concepts from Come Together: The Science (and Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections by Emily Nagoski, distilled into the core ideas she builds throughout the book:

  1. Good sex = liking it, not just wanting it
    Long-term satisfaction comes from enjoyment and pleasure, not constant spontaneous desire.
  2. Desire is often responsive
    Desire frequently emerges in the right context, rather than appearing on its own.
  3. Accelerators & brakes shape arousal
    Sexual response depends on what increases arousal and what inhibits it—often reducing “brakes” matters most.
  4. Context matters more than technique.
    Emotional safety, stress, and environment influence desire more than sexual skill.
  5. Stress reduces desire
    Chronic stress suppresses arousal by shifting the body into survival mode.
  6. Body image affects sexual experience
    Shame and self-criticism act as powerful “brakes” on pleasure.
  7. “Good enough sex” is the goal
    Sustainable intimacy is built on consistent, satisfying—not perfect—sexual experiences.
  8. Communication is essential
    Trust and emotional connection are central to desire and satisfaction.
  9. Myths create pressure
    Unrealistic cultural expectations distort how people understand sexual desire.
  10. Sex is relational
    Sexual wellbeing is co-created between partners, not just individual libido.

 

Emily Nagoski began her career in 1995 as a peer health educator at the University of Delaware, where she taught topics including stress, nutrition, physical activity, sexual health, and sexual violence prevention. She initially planned to become a clinical neuropsychologist, but her work in sex education led her to pursue a different path. She earned a master’s in Counseling Psychology and a Ph.D. in Health Behavior with a focus on human sexuality from Indiana University, where she also taught and trained at the Kinsey Institute Sexual Health Clinic. She later served as Director of Wellness Education at Smith College before transitioning to full-time writing and speaking. Today, she is best known for her work on sexual wellbeing, stress, and emotional health, with a mission to help women live with greater confidence and ease in their bodies.

For more information about the author and book, visit her website.